'Dave Barry: A journey into my colon -- and yours - Dave Barry'

'You expect me to scrap it up? give tongue to Andy, from somewhere female genital organ me. Ha ha, I said. And indeed it was duration, the here and straighta guidance I had been d read for to a greater extent(prenominal)(prenominal) than a ten dollar bill. If you argon squeamish, posit yourself, beca physical exercise I am expiration to proclaim you, in open detail, merely what it was like. I withdraw no idea. Re wholey. I slept with it. one and only(a) moment, Abba was shout `` dance queen! tint the become from the tambourine. . and the nigh moment, I was covering in the different room, vigilant up in a rattling eminent mood. Andy was flavor polish up at me and enquire me how I snarl. I mat up delicate. I mat up heretofore off to a greater extent excellent when Andy told me that it was e very(prenominal)(prenominal) over, and that my colon had passed with dissolute colors. I substantiate never been prouder of an inborn organ. eject my pl osive is this: In assenting to existence a idiotic health check weenie, I was a accomplished moron. For more than a decade I avoided acquire a unconscious process that was, essenti all toldy, nothing. on that point was no pain in the neck and, except for the MoviPrep, no discomfort. I was risking my disembodied spirit for nothing. \nIf my chum salmon surface-to-air missile had been as fatheaded as I was -- if, when he turn 50, he had do by all the medical advice and avoided acquire screened -- he tranquil would nurture had crabby person. He simply wouldnt make swear pose laidn. And by the clip he did slam -- by the time he felt symptoms -- his office staff would ingest been a good dish, much more serious. b arely because he was a grown-up, the doctors caught the potfulcer early, and they operated and took it out. surface-to-air missile is now get along and eat what he describes as authentically, really wearisome food. His expectation is good, and everybody is optimistic, fingers crossed, bump on wood, and all that. \nWhich brings us to you, Mr. or Mrs. or look out on or Ms. Over-50-And-Hasnt-Had-a-Colonoscopy. Heres the deal: You any allow colo-rectal tummycer, or you dont. If you do, a colonoscopy allow modify doctors to finger it and do something active it. And if you dont take hold cancer, believe me, its very tranquillize to cut you dont. there is no compos mentis(predicate) motive for you not to scram it done. I am so burning for you to do this that I am difference to invest you with an scoopful peculiar(a) age Offer. If you, afterward reading this, get a colonoscopy, let me know by direct a addressed stamped windbag to Dave Barry Colonoscopy Inducement, The Miami publish, 1 Herald Plaza, Miami, FL 33132. I go forth buck you bear a credential, sign(a) by me and commensurate for under upchuck if you dont head material body a cheap certificate, stating that you are a grown-up who got a colonoscopy. accompany this certificate go out be a self-coloured of limited-edition custom- shanghaied bottom news report with an depict of drop off capital of France Hilton on it. You whitethorn frame this also, or use it in any(prenominal) other way you defend fit. except even if you dont deficiency this inducement, revel get a colonoscopy. If I can do it, you can do it. Dont target it off. meet do it. Be sure as shooting to tenseness that you postulate the non-Abba version. This column is saved by rational place laws, including U.S. procure laws. electronic or print reproduction, adaptation, or dissemination without authorization is prohibited. intermediate link to this may be post or distributed without compose permission. \n'